Thursday, February 25, 2021

What have you done to try and fit in?

June 7, 2010 by  
Filed under Self Esteem

This Guest Post is by Mizfit.

Did you ever struggle with not fitting in and caring about that? You seem so confident. As you’ve gotten older do you find it’s easier to be Unapologetically Yourself or is it still something you struggle with

(MizFit note: my tagline may state FITNESS isnt about fitting in but you need know me for only a few moments to realize that’s my life tagline as well)?

I love this question because it cuts to the heart of why I blog.

It has indeed taken me almost 40 and a HALF to get to where I am today & if I can save someone else even a year or three—my life will have been a success.

Growing up all I wanted to do was go by unnoticed.


For me, in the community in which I lived, that was NOT being Jewish.

I slathered Sun-In in my dark hair each summer in an attempt to turn blond (results? ORANGE).

I begged my parents to let me join my friends at CCD so I’d not miss out on any girl-bonding time (results? Horrified parents).

I didn’t exactly lie but pretty clearly implied I celebrated Christmas & slyly turned OFF the blue & white Hanukkah lites before friends came to pick me up at night during that season (results? Baffled parents).

All I wanted—like most kids in junior high/high school—was not to be different.

And, not surprisingly, the harder I worked at trying to guess what would make me fit in the more unhappy I grew. The harder I worked at trying to guess what *other people* wanted from me in order to accept me as one of their own the more frustrated I became.  The turning point for me was Halloween when I was fourteen.

It was the morning of October 31st (devils night was embraced wholly in my neighborhood) and I’d gone outside to grab the newspaper when I saw it.

Written in soap on the four windows of our garage were the letters: K I K E.

In that moment my entire life view shifted. I have no clue to this day who wrote them or if they grasped the gravity of what the word meant—but I certainly did.  It was my personal AH HA! moment of realization that try as I might to blend in & guess who the world wanted me to be/would be most accepting of—–the answer to who I was and whom I wanted to be was already inside of me.

(as I sit here typing this I realize that it’s not coming out as life-altering-a-moment as it was. I think it’s like that sometimes. If it isn’t your moment the retelling of the tale conveys merely as that: a story)

Yes it took me another seven years or so to completely grow comfortable in my own skin but starting that day, as I worked to scrub the letters from our garage, I stopped searching outside myself.

For acceptance.

For how to dress, talk, behave, look.

For my self-definition.

And, not surprisingly, I was far happier in all aspects of my life.  My relationships improved (from friendships to dating to parental) and I was simply more content as a person.

And I have not looked back.

Hence my tagline.

In fitness, I think, we all want to get to the same place (healthy, energetic, live-longer etc) but that doesn’t mean we all ‘must’ take the same path there.

In life, I choose to believe, we all want to get to the same place (happy, at peace, leave a mark on the world no matter how small) but that doesn’t mean we all will take the same path there.

Life isn’t about fitting in.  It’s about carving your unique path & creating an existence which allows you to be your best self.

*leaps off soapbox she had zero intention of climbing upon when she started post*

So that’s me.

Jewish. Forty. Tattooed.




And you?

What have you done in the name of fitting in?

Will you join me in sharing in hopes of saving someone – anyone;  the time & struggles its taken you to get where you are today?

-Carla, MizFit

This is a cross post from MizFit’s blog



4 Responses to “What have you done to try and fit in?”
  1. Ashley says:

    I enjoy being a odd ball sometimes.

  2. Fitarella says:

    Sadly EVERYTHING. even sex & drugs.

  3. Candice says:

    I’ve lied. I’ve shunned other friends who were viewed less favorably. Stuff I’m not happy about and obviously regret. Stuff I don’t do anymore and work never to do again.

  4. As I get older, I find I am more certain of who I am, so it’s easier to catch myself doing that thing where I worry over not fitting. Schools (for you mothers of school age children) are the worst for it. School car parks are almost like a parenting competition! Every now and then I find myself concerned by the fact that I don’t seem to be like any of the other mums (I’m far more relaxed and much less concerned about homework etc). Then I realise that I’m NOT like any of the other mums! I’m the same age as them but my eldest child is nineteen. I’ve been a foster/honorary mum to a couple of others of a similar age and now that I’m onto the ten- year-old, I’ve learned what matters and what doesn’t. These other women have ten-year-olds as their eldest! Naturally I have a different point of view. I just need to keep remembering that it’s not a competition…

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