The Self-Love Rule
April 26, 2012 by MamaV
Filed under Featured, Self Esteem
Blast from the past, originally posted July, 2009: You’ve heard of the golden rule right? It’s an idea I personally try to live by every day.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
So simple yet so poignant. In most situations is makes perfect sense. It breeds empathy and Lord knows if we all followed this simple concept the world would be a much better place.
But I’m here to argue the opposite is also true.
How many times have you complimented your friends only to call yourself ugly. Someone congratulates you on a weight loss and instead of simply saying “thank you” you quickly point how how much more you have to lose. After a new haircut you say over and over again you aren’t sure you like it.
Sound familiar? I know I’m guilty of it myself. All these back handed self-inflicted comments breed insecurity. Yet what do we do when we notice a friend or family member down on themselves? We easily and quickly respond with compliments. When will we treat US with the same respect and stop berating ourselves with backhanded insults?
So although I believe in the Golden Rule I also believe in what I call the Self-Love rule.
Do Unto Yourself as you Do to Others
Stop saving all your kind words for your friends. You deserve a few yourself. 
WATRD
This is great, Roni! Someone once told me “don’t put yourself down….there are plenty of people in this world that will do it for you.” Keep spreading these good messages – you rock!
Awesome message!! I’ve been trying to do this and while I’m not quite there I’m getting better. I accept more compliments without saying something negative in return and at the very least I’m aware when I do it.
OH, but it’s so much easier in words than practice! I think it’s important though. Great message.
I love it. It’s so easy to be self-deprecating instead of just saying “thanks”.
I find myself launching into a whole story when I get complimented when all I should say is “thank you” instead.
SO TRUE.
and thanks for the reminder.
But when you think about it, if we indeed to practice the golden rule, then somewhere deep inside of us we too want that compliment or acknowledgement of what we have accomplished. I think in our conscience mind though we have the hard time accepting it, feeling we are not worthy of it. It is part of humility, only not in balance.
This is fantastic. Something I’d do better to remember more lately.
Roni, I really needed to hear this today! I was just sitting at work beating myself up over a couple silly, little mistakes I’ve made today. You know what? Everyone makes mistakes, it wasn’t even that big of a deal, and I do an awesome job!
Oh, so true! I once heard someone say “if someone said to you all the mean things you say to yourself, you wouldn’t be their friend.” And she was right … so we should stop saying these things to ourselves, too.
Maybe we should all make it a point, when we catch ourself saying something bad about ourselves, to say TWO good things.
I agree that it’s a good policy to cut yourself as much slack as you cut others.
However, I don’t think “You look great. Have you lost weight?” is a real compliment – not unless you’re publicly trying to lose weight and the person saying it knows that; definitely not when it’s aimed at a random non-thin person.
It’s inappropriately personal and sort of two sided – that’s probably why it makes us feel uncomfortable. It would never occur to me to say “oh, but I have so much more to lose!” I would say “No.” or “I don’t know. I don’t weigh myself.” or “Have I lost weight? I don’t care. Why do you?”
Great rule!
If we could all adopt that we would probably be a whole lot happier and be able to execute the golden rule on a far more frequent basis.
Dee – I hear ya! I was trying to reach for example to explain my point. I always end pulling the wrong one!
Love it, Roni! We women are so guilty of this, and it’s nothing but disastrous to our self-esteem. I will definitely try to remember your words the next time I’m down on myself. Thanks!
Nice post!
I agree that it’s an important rule to remember, because putting yourself down (in addition to being bad for you) can actually be one of the most effective ways to make others feel bad about themselves. Other people who have the same features as you might hear your self-put-down and start feeling bad too. That’s why I think that parents should be especially careful about how they talk about themselves in front of their kids!
This is an awesome message and you are absolutely right! Why do we have such problems receiving compliments but no problem at all giving them out? Definitely something to think about and work on.
And I’m sorry, I’m immature and can’t help myself, but “self-love” just makes me laugh
When I was teaching I used to tell my students “Be gentle with yourselves.” They thought I was nuts, but I meant for them to treat themselves and each other carefully. There are enough people out there who will knock them…so being gentle with yourself is essential for survival.
This subnormality comic http://www.viruscomix.com/page469.html is a good commentary on the subject. (It’s also a really awesome comic, but that strip is relevant)