The most important post I have ever written.
It was Thursday, April 22, 2010. I was sitting at work plugging away when my cell rang and I saw it was “HOME” calling.
My sister-in-law Christine Rademacher
What’s up? I said to my husband.
“Chris has cancer” he said.
“What? How? What?” I responded, totally and completely dumbfounded.
His dear sister, my dear sister-in-law had breast cancer.
Christine Rademacher is the wife and mom of two incredible boys (read her Caring Bridge Journal here). She is 43 years old, bald, and fighting. The hair went months ago, and chemo is wrecking havoc on her body until her double mastectomy on Sept. 22nd.
Chris did everything right. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G
Yet, they missed it. Just flat out fucking missed it.
Chris and her boys.
Not once.
Not twice.
But three times’ the charm.
By then the tumor was a visible bump poking through her cute little tank tops, ignored as a “cyst” for nearly 5 months.
A cyst that appeared clear as a bell on her January 2010 mammogram. A cyst that her nurse practitioner felt way the hell back in November 2009. An obvious, large, protruding mass on the side of her right breast that the Mighty Radiologist, specializing in “Diagnostics” dismissed, didn’t bother to biopsy, and sent her home. An obvious tumor that was given the chance to spread into her left breast, all because her doctors, several of them, were asleep at the wheel.
So here we sit.
Waiting by her side for time to pass until we get the word that she is in the clear. Witnessing her suffering is beyond words and I don’t want to ever face this again. But chances are, I will. There will be another family member diagnosed. Or perhaps it will be me next time.
The Best Looking Bald Chick Ever
If I have learned anything from Chris it is this; don’t take no for an answer. Persist. Pester. Question. Repeat.
And after that, raise hell.
Raise hell when YOU are disregarded, passed over, and checked off the list as just another passing woman in for her routine annual exam.
If we don’t, what kind of chance do we have in beating this devil of a disease?
If a woman like Chris is dismissed, sent home, and through the grace of God, finally diagnosed with breast cancer after 5 months of persistence;
How many of us have it right now and don’t know it?
What is the point of the Komen Foundation and the millions of dollars they spend on “awareness?” How often have you heard;
Don't forget your ANNUAL mammogram!
Remember to do self breast exams monthly!
Early detection is very important!
All of this is completely useless if women have to pound on doctors doors to be noticed. I can’t get over this. I won’t get over this. We are going to fight to make this wrong a right. And I hope you, will find yourself a doctor you trust, and get a mammogram.
At least then you’ll have a fighting chance.
mV
I applaud you for posting this to help raise awareness!
Many hugs from me to you and chris and her family. Im thinking of her!
I’m shocked that they didn’t catch this. Shocked. I’m thinking happy thoughts for Chris, for you, and for the rest of your family. <3
Thanks Ellie Di — unbelievable situation, when I read it, its hard to believe it is not exaggerated. Chris always says when she is in the dark days of chemo, she thinks about the young, somewhat arrogant acting Radiologist disregarding her and then pictures him sitting out by his pool relaxing and she wants to go after him!! I wonder how many others he has misdiagnosed you know?
mV
My aunt was diagnosed some months ago. I think it’s hard for us to support her as we’d like to, because it’s hard to understand what she’s feeling. I wish I could do better… any advice from your sister in law?
.C.
Hi .C : I know the feeling, its like you want to do something, anything, but you can’t take it away for them.
I’d say the biggest advice is to keep calling, emailing, and communicating. No expectations, no pressure on either side. Just tell her you are thinking about her.
Try to find ways to help that really makes their day to day easier — like set up meal delivery through http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/. We did this for Chris and it has been awesome!
Consider offering to clean her house, or do some chore that will take things off her plate. Ask if you can drive her or her kids (if she has them) or run errands.
What NOT to do:
-Don’t talk about other people’s situations, it is irrelevant to her cancer. Chris says this is so irritating and actually make her feel like the person doesn’t get it. Every cancer is different make her feel like the individual that she is, and ask about the details of her situation. Don’t try to downplay anything, be real.
-Cards are nice, but they can get overwhelming because the well wishes are a bombardment of what a serious situation she is in. Think about your Aunts personality — maybe something funny would be better.
-Talk about the need to keep herself mentally healthy, suggest alternative strategies such as massage, Reiki, support groups, etc. We can’t relate to what they are going through, so I think being surrounded by those that can is a good thing.
I hope this helps, most of all just be YOU, she will see and feel your sincerity.
mV
XO
My boyfriend’s aunt was sent away when she thought she felt a lump. She got a second opinion and they found the cancer. She’s done with chemo and has lost her breast and we’re waiting to see how it goes. Her hair was dark and is now silver. She is beautiful.
Hi Bridget! Great to hear your Aunt took the right path and got proper treatment — I wish her the best. Positive attitude is EVERYTHING, so keep telling her how awesome she is!!
mV
XO
I am so glad you posted this and did it with such fierce emotions! I am going to be sending this out to many of my friends so I can help to spread the word on having control of your life and your health!
XOXO
Noelle
glad your okay and may God bless you and your family
This is so important – thank you for posting it. The images of the women are so beautiful and inspiring.