Normally I get uptight about being away from the comfort of my foods, food scale, etc, but this tme I feel more relaxed about it. I will bring along some healthy snacks and will make good choices for my meals.
I will try to get in a few workouts and we’ll certainly be doing a lot of walking.
This new calmness is a wonderful and new feeling for me. I don’t know if it’s the great books I’ve been reading, coming to grips with my past, or the estrogen supplement I’ve been taking because my levels have been low. Perhaps a combination of all of the above?
Thoughts on intuitive eating…
I feel like over the past two years or so (since I discovered I had an ED, though I’ve been compulsively overeating/bingeing for over 30 years) that I have been meandering slowly over to a fence. On one side of the fence is disordered eating, the other side is intuitive eating/ recovery. I’m binge-free 2+ years, my weight has been at a constant for about 18 months, I am pretty much ok day-to-day, but outings can be challenging food-wise unless I’m really on my game.
Right now, I feel like I’m standing at the base of the fence on the disordered eating side and I’m looking over at the intuitive eating/recovered side. I just need to take the first step to start climbing the fence. The fence is tall and scary, out of my comfort zone. But I have a quiet calm about me now in regard to food, so maybe it is my time to start the climb over.
I have also decided that when I take that climb, my intuitive eating will be exactly what I’m doing right now as far as eating healthy. I’m not sure I’m ready to just have anything I want, as per intuitive eating, and be ok with that. So does that mean I won’t be intuitive eating? Do I have to do that part? It just feels safe to me right now. Can I just do what I’m doing now, but minus the weighing/meausuring of my portions and writing down every calorie I take in?
I have gotten pretty good at listening to my hunger cues and not just eating because it’s a certain time on the clock. So that is a good thing. I also think I’m pretty ok with knowing when I’ve had enough, although when I portion things, I know that I can totally finish everything, so that part is a little sketchy.
I know that slips here and there won’t kill me and that “normal” eaters sometimes overeat too. That gives me a level of comfort. I think I’m at a point where I have learned to let go a bit and enjoy foods that really taste good, go over in my calories a little and not beat myself up about it. From what I’ve read, that is what separates us ED’d folks from “normal” eaters. They don’t obsess about overeating one meal.
So does that still count as intuitive eating? Will doing what I wrote above put me on the other side of the fence?
Have a wonderful week and happy holidays everyone!