Thursday, October 23, 2014

Parents Teasing Their Daughters about Weight

March 13, 2010 by  
Filed under Moms & Sisters, Talking To Kids

I am reading this great book by Valerie Frankel called “Thin is the New Happy” and in it she gives a very interesting statistic about parents and daughters.

(The book is about the author’s life; how growing up she was tormented by her mom about her weight, i.e., put on Weight Watchers at the age of 11, and how later on came to put that all behind her and love herself.)

She said “According to a 2006 Sanford University study, there is a direct link between parental weight criticism and bad body image. Of the study’s 455 female adult subjects, 80 percent of those with body-related anxieties (including eating disorders, chronic dieting, and/or appearance preoccupation) reported being teased or criticized by their parents about their weight during adolescence. The study’s conclusion: Teenage girls are acutely sensitive about their weight, and a parent’s negative comments exacerbate that sensitivity permanently.

80%!!! Permanently!!! I had been reading peacefully in my bed before going to sleep when out out of nowhere I suddenly became really pissed off at my dad after reading that statistic.


I grew up with a dad who, from as young as I can remember, teased me about my rear end being big. I know that he was just teasing, but as we all know, there is often a kernel of truth that the teasing is based upon. So I grew up very self-conscious about the size of my rear. I could see in the mirror it was large, and let’s face it, when the most important man in your life chooses to tease about your rear end, well, it’s really tough to not be affected by that. Between that and my mom hiding food from me, is it any wonder I became a compulsive eater before I was even 10 years old?

About five or so years ago, I realized that my father’s “innocent” teasing may have contributed deeply to my lifelong weight problems/bingeing/compulsive eating. (This was even before I discovered I had an eating disorder since I had been a kid, and that my mom had a part in it too.)

So I decided to write him a very loving, un-accusatory letter to him at that time. I told him that I loved him and that I knew in his mind the teasing he had done in the past was all in fun and perhaps his way of expressing love to me, but that I thought it may have contributed to my weight problems.

In hindsight, I’m not sure exactly what I was trying to accomplish by giving him the letter.  Maybe to open his eyes to some responsibility, perhaps for me to get some closure, who knows.

Well, my father, who I’d like to think never wanted to hurt anybody, especially his family, thinks that he can do no wrong and that (pardon my language) his shit doesn’t stink. So after pouring my heart out in this letter, painstakingly wording it as to not hurt HIS feelings, I found out from my mom that as he was reading it, he said something to the effect of “I don’t need to read this shit” and promptly threw it away.

What an ass!!! He wouldn’t even finish reading the letter, let alone take any responsibility whatsoever. Sadly, that is the kind of man he is.

I recognize that there was no malice involved with the teasing. He has gone through his life, since I was old enough to truly see the kind of person he was, never once thinking about how what he says or does affects others. Maybe that is why I am the complete opposite and am always so afraid that I have said or done something to hurt someone’s feelings. But it doesn’t mean I can’t still be a little bit pissed off that my life may have been different today had he not teased me for all those years.

Anyway, I’m writing this because ALL parents need to know how important parent-daughter relationships are. What parents say to their daughters about their appearance/weight can be highly impactful and life altering for the young girl.

I’m grateful to have found out through therapy where my eating disorder came from so I can take measures not to binge because of an old coping mechanism I learned as a child. I also know that I, unequivocally, do not want this pattern to be repeated. My mother’s hiding food from me and being teased like that in my formative years are certainly things that I will never do to either of my children.

How about you, did your parents ever say stuff to you about your weight or appearance while you were growing up?

Comments

61 Responses to “Parents Teasing Their Daughters about Weight”
  1. Kaylee says:

    My father too took apart of teasing my weight. My dad “gives you shit” if he likes you, so he honestly meant it as a sign of an affection. Alas, it did nothing. In 3rd grade I remember contemplating diets (which got my dad in HUGE trouble with my mom because I told her I thought I was fat because he told me so) and thinking about what else I could do to exercise. I was a chubby kid, mind you, but I was growing rapidly too. The teasing was very unjustified.

    Seeing that my dad’s teasing irked me, my brothers joined in. I remember we even picked on my mom too. Yeeeahh, we were a cruel bunch.

    It affected me enough that I still deal with weight issues as a teen. Guess who stopped teasing me on my weight when I started working out too much and eating a strict diet and dropped SOOO much weight in such a short period of time? My dad had a sister with bulimia, you’d think he’d understand what words can do to a girl.. a developing girl at that. But what happened to me while I was losing weight rapidly was a kick in the ass for him too, so I think we’re even.

    I still struggle, I still have issues, but I’m doing my best to rise above it. Fingers crossed that the statistics are terribly wrong?

    • love2eatinpa says:

      i’m sorry for what happened to you, kaylee. are most men just wired to “not get it”?

      i like how you ended the post with hope. my fingers are crossed, that you, me and the rest of us who posted will be part of the 20% that rises above it. :)

  2. Misty says:

    It wasn’t a frequent thing in my house, though it was obvious I was overweight from a young age (started in kindergarten, right around the time my parents divorced). When I was in middle school, though, I remember, plain as day, my dad sitting next to me on the couch, putting his hand on my leg, jiggling it, and saying “You need to lose weight. Your thighs are twice the size of mine.”

    Nevermind that he was/is scrawny, so it didn’t take much! It definitely scarred me.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      ugh, what a painful memory that must be for you, misty. why did our dads think they were somehow helping us by saying stuff like that?

    • Jenny says:

      My mother never teased me about my weight until I became a teenager. Now she constantly teases me about what I eat and has something negative to say when I go to the kitchen and try to get something to eat. Eveerytime it makes me cry thinking that she cares how I look and her love towards me depends on my figure. I just want to be skinny. skinny enough that she can be happy and stop saying such mean things. the funny part is that shes not fit herself. she says she is but shes not. thats why i stop eating and starve myself because I cant take her words… i just wanna die… I have dreams that I just kill her so the hurt that I feel can stop… i know it sounds crazy but she drove me into hating myself and hating her…

  3. CandiceBP says:

    “How about you, did your parents ever say stuff to you about your weight or appearance while you were growing up?”

    You mean, there are parents that don’t? I can’t imagine that. I don’t have a single female friend whose parents didn’t make weight/size/body comments growing up.

    I would imagine that most of us have baby boomer parents – and I wonder if they thought it was better to say something rather than ignore/avoid the “issue.” I know a lot of parents who couched their statements as concern and love.

    I remember my parents taking me to a professional nutritionist when I was around 10 – and I hated it. I was embarrassed and ashamed and sad about being there. When we left, my mom said to me in an accusing tone, “You looked so miserable sitting there. You looked like you didn’t even want to be there. You could at least ACT like you want to be there!”

    But I didn’t want to be there. I had no comprehension of what this woman was going to do for me because I didn’t have any basic understanding of the food I was eating being related to my size, even though I was already sneaking food at that age.

    My dad never said anything or gave any inclination he even had an opinion about my size. I wonder if that’s why I’ve always had a much easier time trusting guys than girls.

    I think I want to check that book out… sounds interesting.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      it’s funny how what whatever we grow up with seems “normal” to us. at that age, i thought that my mom’s hiding food from me and that my dad’s teasing was “normal”. i would have dreamed what it was doing to my me on the inside and how much it would affect my entire life.
      it’s interesting that your dad never chose to say anything to you. maybe he simply didn’t feel it was important and didn’t think you needed to change anything.

      • CandiceBP says:

        I think a lot of behavior stems from what we respond to ourselves. My mother responds to people telling her what she needs to do. “You’re fat; lose weight.” And then off to the liquid diet she’d go. But my father needs to come to it on his own. When he’s ready, he goes in 100%. I think he understood that it isn’t something you can browbeat into someone – and he’s also very smart and intuitive; he had to know that snide comments did far more harm than good.

  4. Gina says:

    Ouch! Reading that post was very painful, and I feel I could have almost written it myself. Both my parents were really nasty to me about my weight as far back as I can remember, and when I hit puberty, my mother never let up about my looks.

    love2eatinpa – you were very brave to write and mail that letter, and major kudos to you for not blaming your father. At least he started reading it – my father wouldn’t even have done that.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      was it that there was no info out there back then that parents could read about not criticizing your child’s , especially your daughters, weight? are we just hypervigilant because of our own issues?
      sounds like we have very similar fathers. :(
      i think i have often thought less highly of him as i got older and i wonder if it’s because since i have become a parent, i realized how bad some of his fathering choices were and lost respect for him.

      • Gina says:

        I think back then, parents thought that being hyper-critical was “for your own good”. My mother, in particular, wanted to make sure I wasn’t “over-confident”, so used every opportunity to beat any confidence out of me.

        Like you, as I have grown older, I have become more critical of my parents’ parenting style and have certainly lost a great deal of respect fort both of them. I didn’t have children, mainly because I didn’t want any child to go through what I did growing up.

        • love2eatinpa says:

          i think you may be right with that “for your own good” mentality. it’s a shame your mother wanted you to keep a lid on your confidence. maybe her mom did that to her?

          yes, i must say i’ve lost some respect for both my parents, which i feel horrible saying, but i’m sure they were doing the best that they could. we have so many more resources and have so many forums to get good parenting info now.

          i venture to guess that if you had kids they would group up in a happy and mentally healthy household. :)

  5. Annie says:

    Yep, i also had this experience, although in my case it was ‘thunder thighs’ . Thankfully my husband knows how hurtful words can be and will never use my daughters size against them, no matter what that might be. thanks for bringing this to light.
    cheers
    ann

  6. Meems says:

    You mean, there are parents that don’t? I can’t imagine that. I don’t have a single female friend whose parents didn’t make weight/size/body comments growing up.

    Actually, there are parents who don’t outright tease their children about weight. That’s exactly what mine were like. I was never called fat or thunder thighs, never teased about the size of my ass or my protruding belly.

    Instead, I had a mother who was constantly on a diet (mostly Weight Watchers) and a father who, despite being very thin naturally (BMI around 20-21) watched what he ate very carefully. When I started gaining weight around puberty, I was constantly asked “are you sure you want seconds? Haven’t you had enough?”

    There was no malice. I have a family history of diabetes and heart disease, and they were genuinely concerned about me, but I was never actually big as a teenager, which I realize now when I go back and look at pictures, and those comments made me assume that there was something wrong with me anyway. Even the subtle comments about how much I ate made me second guess my body’s instincts.

    And honestly, when I looked at the results of that study, my first reaction was “No effing kidding.”

    • love2eatinpa says:

      so despite them not making comments directly about how you looked, you picked up things from watching them and from them asking you about seconds. *sigh*

      it sucks for all of us. i know how terrified i am of passing my baggage down to my kids. i almost feel like no matter how hard i try, my daughter especially could end up having food issues of her own.

      • Meems says:

        There was also some reverse psychology going on. When I hadn’t seen my parents for a while (i.e. had been away at college) and visited, I always got either “oh, you’ve lost weight – you look great!” or nothing. And I learned to interpret no reaction as “you’ve gained weight – you don’t look good.” Because my mom only complimented me when I’d lost weight I still got a lot of the baggage women get from having parents who actively harass them.

        It could have been much much worse, and I know that. My mom prides herself on not being a slave to cultural physical ideals, but she’s not totally immune.

        • love2eatinpa says:

          so it was kind of passive-aggressive with your mom, huh? *sigh*
          you are right, it definitely could have been worse. it’s a shame that so many moms/parents focused on how we looked and not how we felt and if we were healthy.

          • Meems says:

            I don’t think it was even passive aggressive, at least, not consciously. It’s just that the whole thin=healthier/more attractive thing was so ingrained in them.

            My mom especially was actually very receptive when I finally got her to read “Lessons from the Fatosphere” and “Health at Every Size” a while back.

          • love2eatinpa says:

            how great of you to approach her with those books and how refreshinging that she was open to reading them! my father would just ‘pshaw” me and wouldn’t even take the time to crack open a book about it, let alone to admitting he done anything “wrong.”

    • lissa10279 says:

      So sad to see how many people’s parents have said cruel things to them when growing up …

      Like Meems, my parents never said anything to me about my weight, never teased … and I still ended up with food/weight issues … so while I’m sure it doesn’t help to hear negative comments, I don’t think NOT hearing them precludes us from having issues, either.

    • CandiceBP says:

      My comment was slightly sarcastic. I do figure there are parents that are thoughtful about this… but it was overwhelming and saddening to think at first about just how many of my friends I’ve spoken to about this issue.

      Interesting point about how even “kinder” comments, questions, or behavior can still be subversive. And I think having a parent who is constantly on a diet is just as harmful as outright negative comments. It doesn’t set a good example for a healthy relationship with food and, like you said, leads one to question her body’s instincts regarding food. It’s a great point.

  7. sleepydumpling says:

    I was told I was fat from as early as I can remember. I was told that there was “lead in my arse” and that “lucky you’re smart because you aren’t a looker.” Right from the earliest I can remember.

    It was only recently that I found some old photos of myself pre-puberty, that I realised that a) I was nowhere near fat, in fact sometimes underweight and b) I was a cute kid, cuter than a lot of my peers.

    Of course, these days I’m “morbidly obese” or as I prefer to call it, Super Fatty. I wonder if I’d have been so screwed up about my body, food and my self esteem if I hadn’t had those messages all my life.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      i’m sorry that your parents put you through that, no child should be told those things.

      i think it’s great that you were able to take a look at those pictures and find those positive qualities in yourself ,as i’m sure your opinions were the true ones.

      i’m no expert, but i would guess that your life would be different now if you hadn’t received those messages during those ever-important growing up years.

    • wriggles says:

      It never ceases to amaze the way people fixate on certain children to call them fat when they couldn’t possibly know that.

      What is playing on their minds I wonder?

      • love2eatinpa says:

        great point! perhaps projecting their own issues onto their children?

      • Kath says:

        I think a lot of it was manipulative bullshit on behalf of my father. He’s nuts – he always has to tear down women in his life, make them feel like nothing. I did come from a very abusive household, both physically and emotionally.

        My mother I’m not so sure. Indifference? Self preservation around my father? Dunno.

    • Gina says:

      I was told… “lucky you’re smart because you aren’t a looker.” Right from the earliest I can remember.

      That’s just awful – no girl should ever be told that!

      But at least they said you were smart. My parents never praised my academic achievements or talent – can’t have your daughter doing better academically or professionally than your son. To this day, they resent me because I am more successful than him.

      Ack! This discussion is bringing up all kinds of painful memories and feelings.

      • love2eatinpa says:

        ugh! i’m so sorry this is dredging up painful memories for all of us. it’s sad we all have to deal with this crap. we just need to do our best to stop the chain and not pass it down to our kids.

      • Kath says:

        I’m at peace with those memories now – the past can no longer harm us, it’s just old recordings in our head, you know?

        And trust me, the smart thing dried up eventually, when he realised I was proud of my brain, that got torn up too.

        When I got to 12 or 13 and was starting to get noticed for being a particularly bright kid, it started with the whole girls are stupid, girls shouldn’t “think too much of themselves”, girls with brains aren’t any use to the world, they’ll never find a man and have babies.

        I had to fight tooth and nail to be allowed to do senior at school, because it was expected that I should go out and get a job to “pay my way”. Consider that I was just 15 at the time.

        And yes, I have that resentment too. I am the ONLY member of my entire family, even those younger than me (I’m 37) to have graduated high school. I was blocked at every opportunity to go on to further education.

        The irony is, I now earn more than any of them. And have a job that I LOVE!

  8. Kiersten says:

    My mom influenced my body image issues because of how negative she was about her own body. I do have memories though of her making comments about my weight, which made me feel bad. I started getting chubby when I turned 10 and I know my mom was trying to help me stay healthy, but she didn’t have the best tactics for doing it. I remember her saying to me once “Let’s go on a diet together.” I was like 12 at the time and this really upset me. Until that point, I don’t think my weight bothered me much, but not long after that I started eating salads and weighing myself a lot. There were a lot of moments like that. Within a few years I had a full-blown eating disorder.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      aw man, so many of these stories. i’m sorry that you had to go through that.
      i guess it is really up to us to turn the tide and bring up kids who feel good about themselves and their bodies. we can make a change, it all starts with us.

  9. vitty10 says:

    My parents were never outwardly disrespectful to me because they aren’t like that to anybody about anything. They never said that I looked fat or anything like that. But I knew that, though they didn’t say anything, they were disappointed that I wasn’t taking after my naturally-thin brother. I knew it because they always gave him a larger portion of food even if I wanted more. They asked if I was sure I wanted more, did I really need that cookie, just enough that I knew they were disappointed and that maybe I should do something about it. Nothing I tried ever worked long-term because I’m just not meant to be skinny, but like Meems above it was always “you look great” when I lost weight and nothing when I didn’t lose.

    I did outwardly know that they were disappointed when my mom took me to a doctor when I was 12 and 15 because she was “concerned about my weight.” And like everybody else, I look back at pictures and I wasn’t even fat then. I was bigger than average but I was athletic and healthy and there was nothing wrong with me.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      sorry that you had to go through that. them taking that indirect route still had a major effect on you. i bet they had no idea.
      kids are so intuitive and i think parents (myself included) are often surprised by what our kids pick up from us even though we aren’t coming out and directly saying it. often action speak louder than words.

      • vitty10 says:

        I am tempted to ask them if they realized what they were doing, but I’m sure they didn’t mean to be cruel. They were just following the thin=healthy and thin=more attractive idea that 99% of the population believes. I really don’t blame them.

  10. Sarah says:

    I was told I was fat over and over again as a child. Not until recently I realized that young girls should not be on “diets” or criticized for their imperfect bodies or even told their hair color is ugly and have it dyed. I’m still angry at my mother for this. She meant well, but I feel that it is why I am where I am at today.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      man, what were (our) parents thinking when they said stuff like that??! i think we all know that our parents loved us and were doing the best they could, but it doesn’t change the fact that they impacted us in such a negative way.

      i think the best we can do is recognize they caused us harm, but then empower ourselves to move past it and forward to get healthy.

      we in turn need to not say this kind of stuff to our own kids to keep from passing it down through the generations.

  11. Kitty says:

    I myself was not really “teased” by my parents, but made so aware of my body shape and the world of dieting, it’s all I knew!

    My mom dieted since her childhood. I grew up with her on weight watchers and every other diet known to man. I started “dieting’ in elementary school… and didn’t need to! I just thought it was what you were supposed to do!

    As an adult I am morbidly obese. I have been on almost every “diet” known to man. For the first time in my life I have stopped “dieting” and am making “healthy choices” and working out at a gym. It’s only been 3 weeks, but that’s 2 weeks longer than I stayed on most “diets”!

    We need, as a society, to stop focusing on weight, “diets” and “thin”, but on health and healthy choices. Our girls (and boys!) need to be taught to “think healthy” not “think diet”.

    Kitty
    Diary of a Mordbidly Obese Woman Joining a Gym
    http://www.morbidlyobeseandchanging.wordpress.com

    • love2eatinpa says:

      i couldn’t agree with you more, kitty.

      sorry you were brought up to be so hyper aware of your body shape and dieting.

    • CandiceBP says:

      I had the same experience. When I had to detail all of my weight loss efforts before my gastric bypass, I asked them how far back I had to go. They said, “All of them” and I looked at them and said, “Including back to the program I was on when I was 8?” and, without flinching, they said yes.

      It was clear to me I was far from the first person to talk to them about elementary school diets… which is a shame. Like you said, kids need to be taught how to think healthy, not think diet.

  12. McLauren84 says:

    Meems’ memory of “You look great!” totally reminds me of comments my grandmother made. Like Meems, if she hadn’t seen me in awhile, it was either “Looking good. Slim and trim!” or nothing. Just quiet disapproval. She was always much more generous with her love and praise when I was thinner.

    I can only remember a few times when my parents’ said things about my weight. One time I came home from college and had very obviously gained a lot. I was extremely depressed, going through a really rough time. My mom said to me, “You’ve gained a lot of weight since Thanksgiving. Both your grandma and I noticed it.” I went upstairs and cried for a long time. Even though she’s struggled with depression for so many years, I don’t think she understood what was really going on with me.

    Unsurprisingly, once I got treatment for my depression, the weight started coming off. I felt better, and I was able to live my life better. I think parents need to be aware that sometimes fat is a symptom of a much bigger problem; it’s not always the fat they should be asking questions about, but the person inside.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      great point! we all know that our weight/food issues are just a symptom of a much deeper problem, but sadly our parents and sometimes grandparents come from a world where only what you look like is important.

  13. Jana says:

    My mother never said anything negative about my weight but I always felt like she disapproved of me because of her own hatred of her body. Despite always being thin, she obsessively watched what she ate and exercised, religiously weighed herself, and always kept various diet pills in the house. Given the way she felt about her body, how could she not disapprove of mine? Add to that the fact that I’d been consistently yelled at by doctors about my weight ever since I was a little kid and my general impression that she seemed to like me better whenever I lost weight (like when I got mono and spent three months in bed or got home from summer camp where the food was so vile that ate nothing but plain white rice) and well…we had some issues that we didn’t talk out until fairly recently.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      sorry that happened to you, jana. i feel badly that i’ve brought back so many negative memories for so many. ;(
      however, it’s good that we recognize these things are parents and doctors did to us. it’s up to us to get help for ourselves, make changes for a healthier lifestyle and pass on good health/self confidence/self love to our children.

  14. "Julia" says:

    I grew up in a household with my father (the yo-yo/crash dieter) and my mother the compulsive eater.
    My brother, of course, was and still is an effortless twig.
    I, on the other hand, was in a bra by age seven. And I wasn’t fat, just not thin, either. Both of my parents gave me shit about eating this or that. The only reason they don’t, now, is because at this point in time I am the thinnest member of the family–solely, mind you, because of my latest bout with anorexia. I’m trying to recover, but I think if that means gaining weight, I’ll never hear the end of it. Somehow they’ve failed to notice my EDNOS for the last seven years. I’m also the only person not allowed to criticise my body. My brother can do it, my mum can do it, my dad can do it, but if I do it, everyone jumps on me. Apparently they’re the only ones allowed to comment on my size and food intake…

    • love2eatinpa says:

      i’m sorry to hear that julia. this post has been so educational for me, finding out the different ways that parents did some crazy things to us kids as we were growing up.

      now it’s up to use to try our best to overcome the crap we went through as kids and try our best not to pass it down to our kids. not an easy task.

  15. mamaV says:

    Hi All: It is a proven fact our parents particularly our mothers have thee greatest impact on our body image and self esteem.

    It is my contention that some disorders are, without a doubt, being caused by parents who belittle their children about body image.

    When I started my personal blog mamavision, I expected my audience to be parents. Instead, I was flooded with teenagers and twenty somethings in need of a role model because they had none in their lives.

    As a result, I have done a lot of work literally just reinforcing, reiterating, and trying to convince these kids that their parents are the problem.

    Mom on a diet? Her issue
    Dad an exercise freak? His issue
    Parents putting you down? There problem, and they are not doing their JOB.

    This topic makes me sick to my stomach.
    mV

  16. Sara says:

    I had the opposite problem. Everyone around me, including my parents, commented on how thin I was. Most commented in an indifferent way, mostly just making almost an observation (why it needed to be commented on in the first place I have no idea) but many gave me praise.

    Little did anyone know that I was in serious crisis and was actually starving myself starting at age 5. They were completely reinforcing my behavior. As I grew up I slowly got over whatever it was that was causing me to starve myself and suddenly the comments and compliments stopped. I could not’t handle it and regressed again. In high school I got down to 104 as a 5’4″ girl who no longer menstruated. I’ll never forget my friend’s mother saying to me, “Wow your shoulder muscles look fantastic. What do you do?” Additionally, a coach of mine made jokes about how “fat” I was. He had no idea that I did in fact believe I was fat and wasn’t in on the joke. I just thought he was kindly hinting to me that I should drop some weight in the interest of my sport of choice.

    I’m in no way trying to diminish what the original post was about but I just cannot wait until conversations about weight and appearance disappear from our society and we can all JUST BE.

    • love2eatinpa says:

      hey sara, thanks for opening my eyes to the other side of the coin – commenting on a child for being thin!
      but my gosh, it is so sad that you were starving yourself at the age of 5!
      i totally hear ya though, and i do hope that one day people can just focus on being healthy and feeling good as opposed to being so concerned with their weight/how someone looks. we should all strive to be healthy, but it’s what on the inside of the person that counts.

  17. julie says:

    My mom gave me a hard time about everything I ate from about age 10+. Her and my sister called me blubber-butt, hid food, ate my food, told me I shouldn’t eat. I would say they did a number on my self esteem, or lack of. I still resent my dad for allowing this, my sister for being nasty to me to this day, and my mom, most of all, for being completely neurotic about weight, and taking it out on me.

    OK, now I’ve lost the weight, how do I gain the self-esteem? It’s a lot of damage to undo.

  18. love2eatinpa says:

    it sucks you had to go through that, julie.
    i’m at the same point as you now – the weight is off and i feel good about how my body looks, but my self esteem is in the toilet.

  19. Patricia says:

    I’m a 16 year old who always gets teased by her mother. I’m not huge, but im definitely not skinny. My mom doesn’t think I belong in clothes that show my back or anything above my knee. She always says I’m running her broke bc i eat everything. She constantly refers to be as “a body of a monster” in public. I hate it. I always wanna hurt myself. Idk what to do. I just cant lose weight. I need someones support.

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