Friday, December 9, 2016

How did you survive the “fat chat” this holiday weekend?

November 30, 2009 by  
Filed under Fat Talk

Source: Anne Taintor

Regular commentor .C. asked this on our open forum, and I thought it would be a great venting post!

Anyone have any holiday body image updates? What did you struggle with, do well with; stupid comments from family members, etc?

Fire away ladies!

mV


Comments

13 Responses to “How did you survive the “fat chat” this holiday weekend?”
  1. Meems says:

    My family knows better than to comment about my body, but there was a bit of “oh, retake that picture – I look chubby in it!” from my decidedly not chubby cousin to his boyfriend. I just stayed out of the whole thing.

  2. Joy Manning says:

    This is a good one. I had a huge body image/self esteem meltdown last year, partly the result of having no clothing at the time that fit or flattered me. This year, I packed some new duds I love that helped me feel confident and pretty.

    As for “fat chat,” there was very little. Only a few comments about an 11 year girl in the family who, according to my mother in law, is getting too heavy. (She’s really not!) “Did you see her in her bikini in those summer vacation pictures?”

    Luckily, the little girl wasn’t present at the time, and instead of standing there with my mouth shut, I said something like: “I hope you’ve never said or suggested anything like that to her or within earshot of her. Those kind of comments are devastating to girls and they hold onto that hurt all their lives. I think she’s perfect the way she is.”

  3. lissa10279 says:

    Great questions. This year I didn’t have any issues bc we weren’t with family so it was just hubby and I, but last year was HARD. I love my family to death, but I was at the crux of my DE issues, and everyone just kept talking about how “fat” they felt and how “full” they felt and I (for the first time) just kept my mouth shut and didn’t add to the conversation … I didn’t want to be a part of any of it. I ate til I was satisfied, and didn’t add to the commentary or commiserating. It was hard to bite my tongue, but I also wasn’t gorging myself so I didn’t feel sick or upset with myself and didn’t want to participate in the shared commiseration. It wasn’t going to help me any.

  4. Jen says:

    This is one of the first years that there were no body comments…..at least not that I heard or paid attention to. It was the smoothest holiday meal with family that I’ve had in YEARS…… I ate what I wanted….and never worried about it at all……it was fabulous! I’m so glad that I can be in a place where I either don’t notice comments, or there really weren’t any.

  5. Marsha says:

    Thankfully, we didn’t have any of that chatter around our home this past weekend either. Maybe because I’ve gotten on a food as medicine kick, and whenever anyone talks about weight, I turn the conversation to health, how we feel. They all know this by now so no one even brings it up anymore. 🙂

    Interestingly, the one time it appeared to raise its ugly head was when *I* brought something up. My daughter is having some digestive difficulties, and when I saw how much she was eating one morning, I asked if she was hungry for all that and unthinkingly mentioned the amount of calories she was eating. I was saying it only from a dietitian standpoint, evaluating the amount of food she was eating at one sitting. She glommed onto the word “calories” and mentioned it several times in later conversations. I explained that I was talking about the amount of food ingested and how it might affect comfort levels, not anything in regard to weight. She said she understood that, and *I* was the one who was overreacting. LOL

  6. I didn’t have to deal with a lot, a) because my family is generally not like that, and b) they all know about my ED history so they would’ve been careful about mentioning anything anyway. But I do have friends or just people in my life who will mention calories, having to watch what they’re eating, etc. And I’m pretty glad to say that at this point in my recovery, I don’t get triggered by that–I just feel sad for them. Instead of the recurring thought that I had for years (“Oh, I should watch what I eat too/I should lose weight too”) instead I just feel compassion–like, “I feel very sad for her that she is spending her time worrying about food and calories instead of enjoying the holiday season and being with friends and family.” I’m now able to mainly focus on THEM, and how this is affecting them, instead of making into something negative about me.

  7. FreeEternally says:

    I got really frustrated by all the fat/body talk.

    My favorite moment was when a couple of my aunts were talking and one concluded she could stand to just stop eating for a while. Than when one of them looked at me (I’ve lost too much weight lately from an ED) she attempted to back track and say that eating healthy and working out in moderation according to doctor’s orders would be more effective (I’ve also been banned from working out).

    I love holidays. There is no better time for self image. Lots of pictures being taken. Tons of family traditions surrounding food. High pressure to eat incorrectly (too much at meals and fasting at times). Lots of negative body/self talk. Even more critisism about all the flaws in each of us younger people’s bodies. Lots of advise about needing to work out more to get the perfect toned body.

    Itsn’t it odd that it is more acceptable to hate your body than it is to be okay with youself?

  8. Diana says:

    Oh this year, this year was terrible. Most of my family is a bit overweight, and this year I was under weight. I ate normally and they still complained. I was too thin, not eating enough, was boney. They complained about what I wore and the fact I was not talkative enough. I hate the holidays. I just wanted to be left alone yet that probably would have made my depression worse. Yes very good venting post, thanks

  9. Julie says:

    This year, it was different for me. No body image issues. I entered the holiday with my plans in check. The biggest challenge is the pictures afterwards. You know, the OMG! I am soooo fat. To my own surprise, when looking at the picture, my first thought was…WOW you look a little thinner.

    That’s a HUGE breakthrough for me

  10. .C. says:

    Wow, I am glad I sparked a whole post about this! I did way better this year than I did last year. Thanksgiving was one of those times where I just KNEW I was going to binge, and couldn’t do anything about it. Looked forward to it, even though I knew I’d hate myself and punish myself for it. This year, I enjoyed the cooking a lot more, and the food too. I let myself have all I wanted, but I didn’t feel compelled to eat more and more, knowing that I would only allow that for one day. I knew I could and would have more, knew that there would be enough. I still have trouble around my sister. She is so great, but she has that sort of food-as-virtue thing about her. I can just tell that eating dessert is ‘bad’ to her; skipping it is ‘good’. I cannot think like that, or I will be sent back into my ED. Also, I still had to hear about my Dad and his girlfriend’s diet. I really don’t like that woman. Who wants to hear about the latest dessert you can make out of fat-free, sugar-free jello and cool whip? I certainly don’t. I hope you’re all doing well, and having a good post-holiday time.

    .C.

  11. Nell says:

    I missed my family something terrible over the holiday (not that it’s a holiday here). I’m living in Germany ever since the international firm I work with sent me here. I’ve made a couple of very good friends and since they never experienced Thanksgiving I made dinner for them and decorated the apartment (roommate just rolled her eyes and muttered “Turkey explosion!” comments).

    We had lots of fun, the guys managed to eat almost the entire turkey plus stuffing plus extras (do you know how hard it is to get a whole turkey in Germany? I phoned a free-range farm, and they told me they don’t normally sell any around this time as they’re all for Christmas. I stole some weeks of life from a bird!). I made three different pies for dessert, plus pumpkin compot (family recipe). I cooked for three nights- and I was so exhausted and fed up by the time dinner came around that I thought I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it, especially since I had to take half a day off work to finalize everything.

    In the end, all the nervousness and exhaustion disappeared at the first “yummy!” comments. I mean, there were a couple of “I don’t wanna know how many calories this has!”‘s but Germans don’t seem to be as hung up on this issue as Americans (or maybe just my extended family- looking at you, Aunt B!). They joked that they were going to run an extra mile, or do a couple more reps over the next few days but all in all I could see they did not really mean it. Maybe it’s because all my friends here are sporty in one way or another. Maybe it’s because in general I’ve noticed that people here have a much more balanced diet available- even if we go out for lunch, portions are a third to a quarter the size I’m used to seeing, and there’s always a salad or veggie soup around. There’s fresh vegetables of a quality you wouldn’t believe- I made stuffing from organic potatoes that were simply divine. Not to mention that I got to pick my own chestnuts for self-same stuffing. And the bread! Oh, the bread! You haven’t had whole-wheat until you’ve had real German bread. My digestive system had to get used to real-grain bread at first, but now I’m munching organic nuts-and-seeds whole-grain bread only.

    I guess I’ve been eating so much high-quality food these times that there was no chance a Thanksgiving dinner would send me into a tizzy (as it used to do every year before). There was no talk of weight-loss or weight-gain or anything at that dinner. It was just friends getting together for an evening of tradition for me, a glimpse at foreign traditions for them. Even roommate loved it in the end, though she had to suffer through all my miserableness the week before.

    Btw, normal German veggies are the quality I’m used to seeing labeled “organic”. Their organic stuff is so pure and real in taste that I even bit into raw beets (which I can’t stand normally) to get that “beet taste”. YUUUUUMMMMM!

    Sooo… not really a pure holiday story, but I hope it’s still OK even though I rambled on and on.

  12. Candice says:

    I feel like I have a free pass on all of that now because I’m pregnant and haven’t gained any pregnancy weight yet. I feel like that gets me a body-comment-free pass for a while. I did hear a lot of, “Oh, I ate soooo much today” but I just nod and don’t say anything since that really is just fact – s/he DID eat a lot… so whatever.

  13. julie says:

    I’ve lost a bunch of weight since I last saw many people I saw, so I got the third degree, scrutiny and comments on my eating habits, and general disbelief at my explanations of what I did. No fat talk, I haven’t dieted in years, and I’m not fun to talk with on that stuff sometimes.

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