Friday, December 9, 2016

Dressing for “Me”

October 7, 2009 by  
Filed under Self Esteem

Last week, I did some birthday shopping at Ann Taylor Loft, one of my favorite stores.

So  instead of being disappointed every time I go shopping (like I had been for the past two years), now I just gravitate to the 8s at the start of my adventure — and most often they fit just fine.

Like most women with curves, I can’t slip just anything on and have it fit perfectly, but after years of dressing myself at various sizes, I more or less know what cuts work on my body and what cuts are less than flattering.

Well, as luck would have it I found a beautiful pair of charcoal gray dress pants (see image of Loft model at left) for work that I was in love with … but they only had sizes 0, 2, 4, 10, 12 in the store.

I was too impatient to wait for them to order me a pair from another store (hello, half the thrill of shopping is walking about with something new!), so I had two choices: try on the 10,  knowing it would be big, or walk away empty-handed.

So I stood there, hemming and hawing for a minute or two. Hemming and hawing because, you see, long ago, I’d vowed (perhaps unrealistically) to never to buy double-digits in clothes again (unless I was pregnant).

I had a “stigma” in my head about buying clothes anything higher than an 8 — which sounds horribly vain and totally disordered, I know. But after losing weight in 2004, I just didn’t want to ever have to go there again and well, I’m stubborn.

Of course, rationally, I know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a size 10 — it’s an average size today! — but after spending five years in single digits, it was a blow to my ego to have to buy another size up.

Sure enough, I tried the pants on and yes, they were a little loose, but they felt flowy and fluid. I loved the way they fit  my legs (not clinging), how they hung a little on my hips (in that low-maintenance, sexy-but-not-too-sexy-for-work way), the way they laid and draped on the curves of my body.

Most importantly, I loved how they fit the body I have NOW … not the body I had four years ago and still often covet.

The saleslady loved them (OK, I know they’re paid to pay compliments to consumers, but I really believed her).

She agreed they looked a little big, but in a good way, and told me with the right belt and fitted top, they’d be super-flattering.

And the best part? I felt good in them, confident. In them, these extra 10 lbs. didn’t seem to define me; rather, the pants fit ME instead of the other way around.

So I bought them, the size/tag be damned.

For kicks, when I got home, I put the new pants next to a pair of 8s from Ann Taylor (AT, not the Loft) and sure enough, they were the exact same size. I got a good chuckle at that one. It seems sizing is not standard at all these days …

And in the end, I feel good in these pants. No one knows what size they are but me (ok, and blog readers).

Don’t they say any big journey begins with a single small step? In a way, I think it was a bit serendipitous that they were out of 8s: it forced me to accept myself TODAY. To buy a size up for the first time in years, and to acknowledge that, in those pants, the size didn’t define me. They just made me feel good about myself.

They fit like a gem. And if they happen to get even looser in the coming months, awesome. But if they don’t … it most certainly wasn’t the end of the world to buy them.

For the peace of mind this shopping experience gave me, I think it’s safe to say these pants have fantastic ROI!

How about you? How have you dealt with shopping when you’ve gained weight and needed to buy a size up? Did it affect how you felt about your body?


WATRD

Comments

55 Responses to “Dressing for “Me””
  1. Joy Manning says:

    Shopping is a total nightmare for me. I try to ignore sizes and go with what fits, but there’s something about the whole experience that always unravels me. Lately I’ve taken to shopping online to avoid the dressing room drama. I especially like MyShape.com; you enter 30 of your body measurements and then the site shows you only clothes that fit you. You can even chose not to see the sizes. But there is something enlightening about seeing them. You notice the brand/style variation. I am usually a size 10, but the site has (accurately) selected garments in sizes small, medium, large, and extra large, as well as 8, 10, and 12. Same body–lots of crazy different sizes.

  2. Cintia says:

    I needed this reminder. Accept who I am today. I fit on the clothes, not the other way around. Thanks a bunch!

  3. C says:

    Shopping… yeesh. Those numbers hold more power than they should. I have the opposite rule. I will not buy anything below the size I wear now, because I know that this is my lowest healthy weight. (Not that I’m that low, but I’m lower than my doctor-approved “goal” weight.) So I made a solemn promise to myself not to buy the sixt size down. This gives me the motivation I need to stay healthy… because I don’t like the way my clothes look when they’re loose and baggy. It’s worked so far. Silly, isn’t it? How much influence a digit on a tag can hold?

  4. Holly says:

    Sometimes….I wish there weren’t sizes. I know that is not at all practical (and I already don’t like shopping…it would make it so much more time consuming!) but think about how GREAT it would be to pick up a few pairs of pants that “look” like the right size, try ’em on, and be on your way! Like you said, sizes vary SO much – in brands, and even within the same companies. A girl can dream….

  5. Sal says:

    Like Joy, I pretty much wear all sizes. I love shopping thrift because in the same trip, I can find size 4s and 14s that all fit me perfectly. It’s all arbitrary, and I’ve learned to just ignore the numbers.

    But I’ve been where you were – stuck on sizing. Feeling like anything above an 8 was some sort of “failure.” Truth is, clothes need to fit and flatter our today bodies, just as you’ve said here. And screw the numbers.

  6. lissa10279 says:

    AMEN, ladies!! And Holly, I, too, wish sizing didn’t exist. The important part is we dress for our bodies — not let our clothes dress us.

  7. Forestroad says:

    I had a sort of related body image breakthrough when I went shopping last week. I was in a single store and had sizes 6-10 in the dressing room to try on. Just the fact that I fit the 6s and looked good was enough…in the end I bought the sizes that looked the best (a 6, and 8, and a 10 as luck would have it) rather than the smallest size I could fit and look good in. I didn’t need to walk out with the 6 in everything, and it felt good 🙂 I am so much more at peace with my body after that experience.

  8. AlaskaJoey says:

    Unless you’re a weirdo wearing your clothes inside out, no one but you knows what the number on the tag is- the most important thing is to have clothes that fit you and make you feel great. I’m glad you found pants you love.

    I wish I could buy Ann Taylor pants because they look great, but a lot of their stuff is dry clean only, and I refuse to dry clean (with the exception of things that only need cleaning once a year (like wool coats).

  9. missyrayn says:

    I have never wanted to go back to being anything higher than a 10 after getting down there the first time I lost weight. Then my clothes started getting tighter and my pants didn’t fit. Those wonderful sized 10 pants I had bought in Mexx in NYC and at Banana Republic just wouldn’t button. I was sad. I refused to buy pants for a while and just stuck with elastics. Then I realized I wanted to look good and feel good. I didn’t feel good squeezing into things that didn’t fit or wearing unflattering elastic waists. So I bought the bigger sizes and wore them. Eventually I lost the weight again the healthy way and now I’m even smaller. But I need to feel good to want to keep working on myself. I can’t do that in clothes that don’t fit no matter the size.

  10. CL says:

    I understand where you are coming from, and I relate to you, so I mean this very gently — but posts like these are why this site can be triggering for people who are not thin. I am pretty confident in my body, but as someone who wears a size 10 most of the time, it felt crappy to read that you think my size is unacceptably huge — to the point where you almost refused to try the pants on.

    I know you had a nice realization at the end that the number doesn’t define you, but one of the reasons you feel okay about the pants is that you discovered that they are no bigger than your 8’s at home. Meaning, you are not actually a size 10, god forbid. And I imagine that some people who wear a size 18, or 20, or more, would feel even more alienated by the post.

    But like I said, I feel you, and I think all women can relate to the moment of self-doubt that comes with realizing you need the next size up.

    Anyway, on the topic of sizes, I often buy pants a size up because I’m planning to be lazy and leave them in my very hot dryer too long (shrinking them) and because I’m curvy and I hate clingy fabric, so I have to go past the size that fits to get them to be loose on my curves… And when I buy those tops that are meant to be very baggy, I sometimes get the extra-small so it fits me like a normal top. When you do this regularly you realize that numbers mean nothing.

    • lissa10279 says:

      Hi CL, and thank you for being honest … I worried that my post could be triggering to some, and I’m sorry if you, or anyone else, feels alienated by it… that’s why I made it quite clear that I realize there is *NOTHING* wrong with a 10.

      The way I see it, every person has their own threshold of what is acceptable for them — clothing size is just one example.

      For me, a recovering disordered eater (and I’m *very* open about my body image issues, for better or for worse) it was hard to buy a size up, to accept myself as I am today. But that’s the thing: the only way I (or anyone) will ever truly find self-love is by self-acceptance … and sizes don’t dictate that.

      I certainly don’t want to alienate any of our readers, and I even questioned putting the sizes in there but in the end, I can’t censor my thoughts … I’m a blogger, and I’m transparent as they come.

      This is MY issue; someone else could feel this way about a size 2 or 22. It’s all relative.

      And so I hope that I don’t offend anyone with my post…but I’m just being honest. I’m on a recovery journey — which is very different than a weight loss journey. I hit bumps along the way, and my hope is that, in the end, I come out on top for these experiences.

      • CL says:

        I knew that’s what you meant, which is why I was not offended — everyone gets used to “their size” which makes a step up feel more meaningful than it should.

        If you had written the post without size numbers, I would have read it thinking about how I feel when I wear “the size up” without hearing “And then I realized with horror that I fit into CL’s size…”

        It’s like, when someone says, for example, “I’m not saying this weight is bad for you, just that I feel hideous above (number)” it’s really impossible to separate that from a judgment about your own weight.

        But I know what you meant and I know that you aren’t trying to say that there is something wrong with my size. Overall it’s a good point and one that all women can relate to.

      • Forestroad says:

        CL, I think I would revise my comment above to exclude the actual size numbers. On the one hand, I see the point about being transparent and that the intent was not to offend, but on the other hand, I think avoiding triggering comments is more important on this particular blog. I myself felt the familiar welling up of shame reading that a size 10 was unacceptable to someone, even if they state that there is nothing wrong with the size and in the end they came to accept it, and I’m sorry if my comment caused someone to feel the same way.

      • lissa10279 says:

        Thank you for the honest feedback, ladies. I am listening … I definitely don’t want to make anyone feel bad about themselves; that was not my intent at all. I am weighing the pros and cons of taking out the sizes and will give this some more thought.

      • raven says:

        @lissa

        ok this is more a comment to your comment on cl’s comment… heh. but i can’t seem to reply to that comment so here goes! i am speaking as someone significantly larger on the size chart than you are. i relate very much to what cl was talking about. and i think it could be very beneficial to even more people if you were to take the numbers out of the picture. the point of your post will still stand. and what’s more, i suspect that it will be even more relate-able. people both smaller and larger than you might be able to see themselves and find that self-acceptance. b/c really, i think we’ve all had that moment where we felt bad about having to buy the-dreaded-next-size-up. and we shouldn’t feel that way! who cares if we do? it’s not some kind of moral failure.

      • lissa10279 says:

        @raven–Thank you for your feedback, but I decided to keep the sizes in there in this post, for the sake of the discussion it has created. If I’m being authentic, the sizes DO have relevance. But going forward–i.e., future posts here … I will not use sizes or weight references to respect those who might have been offended. I actually posted about this today over on my personal blog … (click my name)

  11. catgal says:

    I am there right now. Gained some weight and need to buy a size up. I am on the verge of being sized out of the Women’s Department in major department stores. I really don’t like the idea of having so much less choice, plus, all I wanted to be was that size that let me shop in those departments, so now I feel like crap.

  12. Joy says:

    I am currently at my largest size ever – right above the size I’ve seen as the largest I’m comfortable with. It was hard to get used to at first, but I know that I take care of myself and this is the size my body wants to be right now. I made the decision a few weeks ago to only keep the clothing that makes me feel good and get rid of whatever doesn’t. I’ve brought in a ton of too-small jeans to consign and can now use the money to buy a few things that I love an that look good on the body I have now.

    Thanks for a great post!

  13. Heather says:

    There’s nothing wrong with a size 10 because “it’s less than the average size today!”?

    I know you didn’t mean to make it sound the way I read it, but I took it as you saying that if you had to wear a 16 (my size) that it wouldn’t be ok because it’s bigger than the average. That hurt me a little bit.

    On the flip side, I’m happy that you were able to get past the number. I know that must have been a struggle and it’s always nice to accept yourself as you are.

    • Candice says:

      This is near what I was going to say – except I think even saying, “it’s an average size today!” is still troublesome. Just because it’s average shouldn’t be the reason you are able to come to terms with it. It’s hard to read that and not see, “Thank goodness it wasn’t a fatty fat size 16/20/28” and so on.

      The gist of your post is great. We should NOT CARE about the numbers. They are just numbers. So you need a size up? Do you feel good? Are you eating well? There are so many other better markers.

      I was once in a wedding where a pregnant bridesmaid refused to order a size 10 dress because “pregnant or not” she was “never going to wear double digits.” This is waaaay before I knew about FA and HAES and I still found it so incredibly disturbing. We hold far too much stock in numbers.

      Guys’ jeans have the waist/length on the outside and they don’t seem to care ever. Could you imagine if women’s clothing had the size on the outside?? I can’t even fathom it. We need to stop letting ourselves care about these measurements/random numbers.

      • lissa10279 says:

        Candice, I think this is where I (personally) will probably veer from a lot of our readers who support the “fat acceptance” movement (I don’t like the term).

        The truth is, I don’t *want* to be any bigger than I am now. I’m healthy and fit, and I don’t believe I’d be happy if I were much bigger; I know it from experience. Maybe it’s my perfectionist tendencies coming to light, but while I know and believe one can be fit and healthy at any size, for me personally — much bigger than I am now would be overweight (for me). That doesn’t mean I think other people should feel the same way I do. It just means for me, I have my own threshold of where I’m comfortable. For you, it could be a totally different size — and that’s ok.

        When I state 10 as an average size, it’s to put things in perspective in my own mind; it certainly wasn’t meant to insult anyone and again, I’m sorry if I did.

        I’m being totally honest here — after spending my whole life overweight, I LIKE being “average.” That’s the truth.

        And I’m proud of the weight loss I’ve been able to maintain. Sure, I wish I could have maintained more (because I felt better physically thinner) but it certainly doesn’t mean I look down on anyone who is “bigger” than me.

        Remember, too, I’m representing a different side of body image than some of our readers and contributors. And we all have a voice.

        I’m just sorry to see this post get caught up in the numbers; maybe I should have left them out all together…but what’s done is done and if I get flamed for it, well, I know better for next time.

        I definitely don’t want to trigger anyone or make anyone feel bad about themselves; that’s not my nature at all.

      • Candice says:

        I wasn’t offended by it… I think it just had a judgmental tone that I believe you would never intend.

        I’m right on board with you that we all have a size that we are naturally comfortable at. Some people are naturally a size 2. Some are a 20. It’s just genetic variety and it exists for a reason (you know, the whole “don’t want the species getting wiped out” thing).

        I, too, liked being “average” after being overweight (actually, I adored it) – and losing that (I hate to use this word, but it is what it is) privilege has been one of the harder parts of gaining weight over the past few years.

        I think a lot of people just wanted to say something about the numbers, so they did… but I think everyone is still taking away the main point you intended to make.

      • lissa10279 says:

        Good to hear, Candice–that they’re still taking away my main point.

  14. lissa10279 says:

    Oh crap. Will definitely revise that … thank you, Heather. I definitely didn’t mean it to come off that way. UGH…

  15. I finally learned that I look best in clothes that fit, not clothes that match a certain size. I’m much more comfortable and happier for it.

  16. mamaV says:

    The discussion occuring here needs to happen, so let’s not shoo it away…this reminds me of the “What is average” post from MizFit that got out of hand.

    I think at the core is we have fat acceptance vs diet crowd reading this post from different perspectives. When totally different philosphies converge, feelings get hurt, and sparks fly…so let’s all breathe and think about this for a sec 🙂

    What is this telling us about ourselves?

    Should Lissa be apologizing here? How does that impact her own recovery?

    If you feel personally hurt by Lissa’s personal goals for herself- does this mean you have not achieved your own self acceptance?

    Why are we finding ourselves comparing our size to Lissa’s size, and then feeling we are not ok?

    Remember girls:
    Weight loss pride is ok here…FA supporters please honor this.

    FA pride is ok here…Dieters please honor this.

    Looking forward to your thoughts,
    mV

    • CL says:

      Most of the commenters who felt a bit hurt by the size talk have been respectful and complimentary of the overall message of the post, which is a positive self-accepting message. I wouldn’t say that sparks are flying.

      And, I don’t think that Lissa needs to apologize for anything. She has listened to the commenters and I think she understands where we are coming from in our reactions to a few sentences. And, she has said that she didn’t intend to imply that some sizes are bad, which I think is true

      This is just a reminder of how negative self-talk can hurt other people. Usually we think we are just hurting ourselves when we bash our bodies, our weight, or “the disgusting weight we used to be” — but often there is someone listening who is thinking “Um, that’s what I weigh now.” So it’s important to be sensitive even when we are just talking about our own bodies.

      • “…a reminder of how negative self-talk can hurt other people.” Great point, CL.

      • Forestroad says:

        CL already put it very well, but I just want to reiterate that I completely see Lissa’s side of things and just want to offer her another perspective that at least a few of your readers seem to be coming from. I think that including the information of how she gained some perspective (a size 10 is below average) is valuable, but on a body image blog, I don’t think it’s more valuable than not triggering/offending people who are trying to come here for support. If it were Lissa’s personal blog, then it’s a different story. Also I can see the argument that we should develop thick skins for our own good, and I would offer that there of plenty of other venues that already do that for us. Again, just my opinion, this is your blog and any criticism I give is meant to be purely constructive 🙂

  17. Lissa10279 says:

    Great points ladies and thank you, MamaV for your points as well. I feel liek the discussion has been respectful and fruitful and look forward to talking more about body image sensitivities tomorrow on my own blog. I definitely meant no harm here today but it has been a good dialogue overall.

  18. Lissa10279 says:

    CL and FR–thank you; my post tomorrow on my blog is going to be about this exact topic–how I need to be aware of my audience more. On Tales, this probably wouldn’t get much commntary (most related to me) but here you related but also showed another perspective, and I appreciate that. Honestly, I do. Thank you for keeping the convo going in a respectful way. We all have a right to be heard and this keeps us going 🙂 I am on my bberry bc my internet went down at home but will be back tomorrow!

  19. Forestroad says:

    Ok last thought for now…I just want to add a little bit about myself. I don’t like this dichotomy of the diet crowd pitted against the FA crowd. Very few people have achieved the Nirvana of total body acceptance where we never have a bad day. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am in terms of self-acceptance, but that doesn’t mean I don’t backslide, and it doesn’t mean I don’t diet. I recently dieted my way from a 12 to an 8 so you could say I’m in the diet camp, (at least the part that’s on board with HAES) and in fact I struggle with the same double digits issue as Lissa. Doesn’t mean I didn’t find it triggering (I am recovering ed-nos). I read a lot of FA blogs, and a lot of diet blogs, and have many days where (like lots of other FA allies!) I am mostly on the FA bandwagon and yet I still want to lose weight. I still have the fear of becoming fat, which I am trying to mitigate. And even Kate Harding herself has days where she feels “too” fat!

    That’s how powerful these cultural messages we dealing with every day are; Lissa’s personal struggle with double digits does not exist in a vacuum. It has the weight of a culture behind it telling us that double digits are too fat…I hear it all the time on diet boards, that double digits is some magic threshold. It would be different if we were talking about a “threshold” of 24 because there is no prevailing cultural message that says being a size 20 or 22 is at all acceptable. So even though Lissa’s struggle with size 10 is totally valid and personal, it ends up reinforcing the cultural message that you have to be a single digit size to be ok, even though in the end she is able to overcome that mandate. It’s not just her words, it’s an entire society. Any chance I get to resist that message, I need to take for my own sanity. Do I need to apologize for that?

    Every time I hear my thin roommate complain about how “fat” she’s gotten (at a size 8) it chips away subconsciously at my self-esteem, no matter how hard I try to shake it off. I can even recognize that her body image issues are no less valid than mine even though I am bigger, and that they have nothing to do with me. I think my fat friends are gorgeous in every sense of the word, but I can’t extend that same courtesy to myself, so I really get her pain, and yet it still hurts my self-esteem. Maybe someday I will be able to resist comparing myself to others, but right now, I am a work in progress. After all, that’s why I’m reading this blog.

    /rant.

    • Marsha says:

      Wow, FR. I am in the middle of writing a post for this blog and what you say echoes my thoughts, only much more articulately. 🙂 Just wanted to tell you that.

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Forestroad: Good points all the way through, a few comments;
      Very few people have achieved the Nirvana of total body acceptance where we never have a bad day. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am in terms of self-acceptance, but that doesn’t mean I don’t backslide, and it doesn’t mean I don’t diet.

      I wonder if ANYONE has achieved this??!! I think we would all say we have bad days (myself included).

      So even though Lissa’s struggle with size 10 is totally valid and personal, it ends up reinforcing the cultural message that you have to be a single digit size to be ok, even though in the end she is able to overcome that mandate. It’s not just her words, it’s an entire society. Any chance I get to resist that message, I need to take for my own sanity. Do I need to apologize for that?

      Not at all! We are all struggling with the societal standards. As I read through Lissa’s post, it reminded me of my “old days” when I stressed about my body and sizes on such an unhealthy level. It also made me think about how I do still have a mindset of what size is “ok” for me….so if I am honest with myself, I have to admit those feelings still linger inside. It’s like you are never 100% “recovered” because of society standards.

      And it sadly also sinks in the reality that we all compare to each other, as if it is natural.

      I think a positive impact that can come from a post such as this is that we confirm we are not alone, we can relate to each other, hopefully laugh about it, and learn ways to not allow this to be a “trigger” instead have it be just another message that you have the power to ignore.

      Every time I hear my thin roommate complain about how “fat” she’s gotten (at a size 8) it chips away subconsciously at my self-esteem, no matter how hard I try to shake it off.

      Don’t beat yourself up about this — I don’t think anyone could not let this impact them. As as far as being a work in progress, consider me in. I feel that I need to continually fill my head with all the positive energy and messages to combat the negative.
      mV

      • lissa10279 says:

        So true MamaV–we are not alone, and we can relate to one another, regardless of where on the spectrum we may fall–esp. since where we fall might change over time. That’s what I am struggling with. Accepting the change.

    • lissa10279 says:

      AMEN!! LOVE THIS COMMENT, FR! 🙂

    • Candice says:

      Awesome response.

  20. Forestroad says:

    Sigh…I got way ranty there. Next time I will adhere to the think twice, post once rule.

    Lissa, it was a good post about our fixation with numbers (at any size) and a minor criticism. In the end, we probably should be talking about the single digit standard so we can tear it down. I hope we can find a way to do it that is not triggering 🙂

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Forestroad: We liked your rant, don’t apologize for it! If our topics don’t get us riled up once in a while than we aren’t finding interesting topics to discuss!

      On a separate note, I was thinking about how you said you were recovering “EDNOS” (for those not familiar with this term in means “eating disorder not otherwise specified), which means that the individual does not fit into the defined clinical categories (which are within themselves very limiting and need to be updated)

      I can not tell you the number of women I have spoken to who feel like they don’t have an ED because they are classified as EDNOS….very frustrating. I have also discussed this with many Psychiatrists that specialize in EDs and they find it outdated as well.

      The most important point here is that this is only a clinical definition, and it in no way addresses how the individual with an ED feels or experiences their disorder.

      Heres a great site to read more:
      http://www.something-fishy.org/whatarethey/ednos.php

      Anyway, kind of a tangent off topic, but I wanted to bring it up since you mentioned it. I hope you are doing well in your recovery, and I hope sites such as this one helps you along the way.
      mV

      • lissa10279 says:

        MamaV is the one who told me about EDNOS–I didn’t know about it til we met in Chicago last fall at a blogger meet-up! It’s so important that we recognize EDNOS–so thank you for coming forward!

  21. lissa10279 says:

    Thanks, ForestRoad …I appreciate it–and appreciated hearing your background. The truth is, you’re right–none of us have achieved this state of “nirvana” and I dream of it … but it stil feels intangible at the moment.

  22. cggirl says:

    Wow good for you lissa! I hope you continue to have good shopping experiences, and whatever your feelings about your weight, keep remembering that your weight hasn’t suddenly changed just because a certain item feels and looks good on you in this or that size. 🙂

    I have been too busy to read the blog for awhile but what a great post to come back on. Lissa, I totally relate, and I will say for a few years now I’ve been PURPOSELY trying on several different sizes, bigger and smaller than what I think I am, just to see what fits me in a particular item and not just buy the smallest one I can squeeze into. Some items run small, some large, and some things look better tight, others look better loose.

    You know what’s funny? Once, when I’d gained some weight, my sister kindly gave me her jeans that were too big for her. And my husband saw me in them (as opposed to my previous, tighter jeans) and asked if I lost weight. Lol. So, even though ideally I shouldn’t even care about the weight in and of itself, it’s also good to remind myself that if what I’m worried about is being too fat, in some items a looser size might actually make me look slimmer anyway and nobody sees the tag, I can even cut it out (though I never do because I don’t feel the need.)
    As a side effect of my telling myself I will look slimmer in something that fits the way I want it to regardless of the number (which, as you say, isn’t even standard) – I then pretty much stopped putting much stock in the numbers on the tags, and stopped having such a bad reaction to a bigger number on the clothing. I just look at how I look. And in turn this helps me not worry too much about the number on the scale either. It’s sort of a fake it till you make it thing, outside-to-inside approach where eventually I see how good I look as I am and don’t feel like my body is problematic after all, even if it isn’t skinny.

    P.S. My size 12 Michael Kors dress apparently makes me look like Joan from Mad Men, according to my husband, and I tend to agree, so what could be wrong with THAT? 🙂 Maybe double digits aren’t so bad?

  23. cggirl says:

    Oh, and lissa, I demand to see a pic of you in those awesome pants. 🙂

    Ok, not demand, just think it’d be fun. In fact, we should have a virtual fashion show. What say you all? 😀

  24. lissa10279 says:

    That’s awesome, Cggirl! Bigger clothes CAN make us look better, if they lay better — looser, longer. Isn’t that funny!? I think it’s just a mental hurdle/shift I need to make to fully be ok with saying “whatever” to sizes. The truth is if something fits well, it doesn’t matter the size. Actually, my wedding dress was a 10!! (and I was my slimmest then) and I remember being shocked but then it was like whatever because it fit me like a freaking glove and I never felt more beautiful than I did that day! 🙂

    LOL — I love that idea! I’ll have to have my hubby take a pic of me the next time I wear them!! Remind me!! 🙂

  25. Lori says:

    The best thing I ever did for myself was buy clothes that actually fit after I put on weight. I resisted, because I am a low-income person and I didn’t want to spend the money when the old clothes are still perfectly good. All I had to do was lose X pounds…blah,blah,blah. But they were too tight and uncomfortable, and every morning I had to go through the closet thinking, Okay, what here can I still squeeze into? A constant reminder of my “failure” to lose X pounds. I finally hauled myself to Goodwill and bought the correct size. I’ve never felt better, and I have blessedly stopped trying to lose.

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