Sunday, January 24, 2021

How to “Get Over It”

August 22, 2009 by  
Filed under Self Esteem

This is MY body. It is beautiful regardless of it’s size. I needed to accept that. I needed to love me just the way I was and AM!

It didn’t happen over night but I started to steer myself down a path of body acceptance. I’d still consider myself a work in progress but I’ve come a long way. Here are a few of the strategies I used and USE to remind myself that I’m fine just the way I am.

Wear clothes that fit.

STOP HIDING! Embrace who you are. This one was huge for me. I used to wear baggy clothes that were 2 sizes too big, hiding myself. Problem is I kept growing into them. Once I took the time to find clothes that not only fit but flattered my unique figure, I not only looked better I felt better! It gave me a confidence I didn’t have before.

Make a “Things I Love” list.

Sometimes we spend so much energy focusing on the things we don’t like about ourselves we forget all the wonderful things we are! Make a list! Really think about all the things you like about you. I’m not talking only physical appearance stuff, WE ARE SO MUCH MORE THEN THAT! Are you funny? Outgoing? a great singer? Recognizing all the wonderful things about YOU, the whole you, is an eye opening experience.

Go out of your comfort zone.

It’s easy to put on the same baggie clothes everyday or say you “just don’t like to swim.” I spent too many years of my life NOT having fun because I was afraid of how I looked. Once I started taking chances and putting myself into situations I thought were uncomfortable (like wearing a bathing suit on the beach) my body, or rather what I thought about my body, didn’t matter. I was having too much fun DOING things to really care. Taking chances and putting yourself in situations, although uncomfortable at first, is a great step towards realizing you are more then your body.

Do something active everyday.

Regardless of if you are trying to lose weight or not, simply moving more can help you become friends with a body you may take for granted. Go for a walk, take a hike, play a game of tennis, go bowling! When was the last time you roller skated?!? Do whatever it is that you can do with that wonderful body of yours. Your body is capable of so many wonder things, enjoy it! Enjoy what it can do and stop focussing on how it looks.

STOP comparing yourself to others.

This is the MOST IMPORTANT tip EVER! You aren’t Suzy Ms. SkinnyPants in the latest fashion mag. You aren’t Molly McWhatever on TV. YOU ARE YOU! Be thankful for who YOU are. There is only one of you in this world and she deserves to be loved.



27 Responses to “How to “Get Over It””
  1. jennifer york says:

    fantastic words! It’s truely amazing how much of an effect parents can have on children…If only they were positive words from your dad, so much would have been different….

  2. MizFit says:

    I agree with all of this WHOLEHEARTEDLY and try to live it daily.

    life is too short not to do ONE THING which scares you daily (to paraphrase) and when you DO nothing makes you (me? one?) feel that boost of selflove and appreciation merely for the attempt.
    the getting out of the comfort zone.

    complacency is not our (ok–MY) friend.

  3. lissa10279 says:

    This is a great post, Roni — body-hating gets us no where.

    I think Stop Comparing Yourself to Others is such a good one — definitely worth keeping in mind.

  4. abbyjean says:

    while i think these are good ideas for how a person can think about their body, i am a little concerned about the implication that the solution to the systemic forces that make women feel bad is for them to change their own thinking and “get over it.” this seems to place the responsibility on the individual woman rather than doing anything to confront, much less combat, the systemic forces that are causing so many women, regardless of race, class, disability status, etc, to feel the same way about their bodies. sure it’s great if i can “get over it,” but where does that leave my sisters affected by the same forces? this seems a very limited way of looking at and addressing a problem much bigger than the way any one individual woman thinks.

    • ronisweigh says:

      Abbyjean – I totally hear you BUT I’m a firm believer in fixing the “self” before the “system.” I’m not sure if that makes sense. My point is that I believe change starts from the individual. If we spread a message of self love and body acceptance then maybe we influence and address that larger problem more then we realize.

      • abbyjean says:

        i guess i feel like the problems with the self are caused by the system – if there weren’t a system designed to convince me i was fat and ugly, there wouldn’t be a problem with my self to deal with. so focusing on the self, rather than the system, seems to me to be a reaction to existing conditions, rather than an attempt to prevent the problem with the self from existing to begin with.

        i also feel that a lot of the systemic forces do their best to pin all responsibility on the individual woman, and this may reinforce this. i’ve already learned from the magazines that it’s my fault for being fat because i am lazy and don’t eat right or buy the right cellulite disappearing cream, etc. to then come here and be told that yes, it is my fault because i’m not dressing right and doing something active everyday reinforces the message that it’s my job as an individual to fit into a system of negative forces rather than placing the problem with the system itself.

      • greenbunny78 says:

        I agree. I think that if we all were able to love ourselves enough for the insults not to matter, people would get bored and change would happen.

  5. Diana says:

    Ditto 🙂 Great post and great tips!

  6. Robin says:

    So needed this this morning! Been ‘fretting’ over wearing a certain dress to a party tonight because ot my upper arms—F it! I am going to wear that dress and I am not going to even think about my arms! I will be having toooo much fun! Thanks, Roni!!

  7. McLauren84 says:

    I love this post, Roni! Such a good reminder of what’s really important. I love the suggestion of doing something active every day to try to become friends with a body you may be taking for granted. I find something as simple as 20 minutes of yoga in the evening helps me feel truly connected with my body and mind.

  8. Yum Yucky says:

    Oh yes, that whole comparison thing is a killer. My inner thighs are genetically “enhanced” and they touch together – all my life. But I stopped comparing myself to the skinny thighed girls. Anymore I’m like, “For what!?”

  9. AWESOME post, Roni!! You are the best!

  10. julia says:

    Very true, abbyjean; I’d merely add we need to both “get over it” on an individual level *and* fight against the system that oppresses others. I’d actually argue that one of the most powerful ways to fight the system is to stop giving it the power to oppress you. Not only do you free yourself, but you show others that it’s possible.

    I guess I’m agreeing w/you, also, Roni. This begins at home, along w/charity. 🙂

    Wearing clothes that fit was one of the most important steps for me. I literally came out of hiding, and was amazed at how great it felt to be visible, and how much more I liked my body when I wore things that showed my figure. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a sack-like silhouette, suddenly I had curves and thought they looked damn good.

  11. FatNSassy says:

    Sad how much of our power we give away to others. I have faced much judgment in being a fat woman. But one day I asked myself why I should try so hard to please others. What are they doing to please me? There is a real power differential between those who judge and those who strive to be accepted. Yet those who judge are the most insecure. So I should deny myself self-confidence, sanity and pleasure in life to please the insecure? No thanks!

    “Those who judge others by the size of their rears keep their own brains there.”

  12. Juniper says:

    Love the post Roni.

    To Abbey Jean,

    I get what you’re saying too and I agree that the system is broken and needs to be fixed but you can’t tackle a huge issue without confronting your own personal issues first or you’ll end up breaking down in your fight for societal change.

    I also don’t think it was Roni’s intention to place blame, as it were, on any one or thing for how any of us looks because the whole point is we are each beautiful no matter what our appearance. Her tips on dressing in clothes that fit or stepping out of our comfort zones are ways that we can start seeing the positives about how our bodies look NOW and start loving who we ARE instead of changing to fit the twisted beauty ideal that society holds out.

  13. Candice says:

    I love this post. Thank you for it.

  14. mamaV says:

    Hi Roni: This is an awesome post. I visualize you saying it these words and it makes it even better because I believe you!

    The two bits of advice that you gave that ring true to me are;
    1) Make a “things you love list” – our negative internal thinking gets us so focused on what we don’t like, and we think the whole world is thinking the same thing about us –and they aren’t! They are more concerned with their own issues!

    2) Get active; exercise is proven to help with depression, and there is no doubt in my mind it helps lift my spirits and clears the way for positive thinking. I can go to the gym feeling so down and over it, and when I leave suddenly the sky is blue again. Sometimes I force myself to just do something –like playing catch with my boy, or gardening –because I know I will feel better.

    One I would add is:
    If you don’t have a hobby – find one! There are so many interesting things to learn and discover is you stop focusing on your self esteem issues (my husband taught me this more than anyone because he takes the kids to the library every week and brings home books for me on various topics that he knows I would like so I am always learning something.

    Sewing is my biggest love, my mind just gets so focused in on what I am doing that I forget everything else, its like an mental health break.


  15. Hil says:

    Great post, Roni. I would add to the list looking at yourself in pictures and the mirror. Really facing what my body actually looked like and learning not to freak out about it was very helpful to me.

  16. Peepers says:

    I have been disappointed in myself lately in how tempted I am to compare myself to others. It is tempting, but it is a tendency that can be so incredibly destructive.

    • Roni says:

      Peepers – one of my fav quotes when I find myself doing the same…

      scroll down, it’s in blue. 🙂

      • Peepers says:

        That’s darling. I like that you have this sort of mantra that you use. I think I might give that a try. Cheers.

    • Susan says:

      I love it! I’ll have to read that blog entry and the comments more closely.

      It’s like my husband – sometimes I resent the fact that he’s one of the reported 11% who can maintain a substantial weight loss without exercise, whereas I have to work my butt off. He has zero interest in working out with me, but he does love hiking, so we hike together every Sunday.

      But here’s the thing – he has a skin condition which makes his skin burn and sting when he gets sweaty. But he doesn’t let that spoil his enjoyment of hiking. So yeah, I could have a lot more to deal with.

  17. tom brokaw says:

    When I didn’t compare myself to others I was fat and lazy and didn’t do anything about it.

    Comparing yourself to others is what gets you off your fat ass on the road to self improvement.

    Comparing yourself to others is what makes you strive to have better, be better.

    If you were the last person on Earth you wouldn’t be motivated to do any of this.

    • Roni says:

      That’s all you got for me Tom? I’m utterly disappointed. You’ve had such a great trolling track record so far. This one just fell flat for me. Try harder next time, k?

      • tom brokaw says:

        Sorry, can’t troll this site so hard anymore. The above story was my actual life experience.


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