Wednesday, January 27, 2021

I am Jane…still…and that’s okay

August 16, 2009 by  
Filed under Activism, Self Esteem

Last month I saw the debut of the new Lifetime series Drop Dead Diva. I was so moved by it that I simply had to blog about it with a post titled “I am Jane”. (Because when I blog I bring my thoughts into focus. It is very empowering. But I digress.) The show, and my upcoming road trip East, spurred me to make a new directive for my life, one to #ChangeMyShape! (Which I also blogged and tweeted about-do you see a pattern here?) Well, here I am weeks later, just days before my road trip, mired in reality. I don’t believe I have changed much at all.

At first I worked out with my new Wii EA Active Sports. I would workout whenever possible, even after a full evening of soccer! (YES, I AM A SOCCER MOM.) It felt great for the first week or so, and then my children discovered it and I had to fight them for my time. (Which was tough because they out number me 3 to 1.) Then I got extremely busy with taxes and correspondence, and I lost days to being an entrepreneur. Next I had back to back shows, thus losing more days to being a gypsy performer! And now…here we are, or shall I say here I am, still Deb in Jane’s body.

You know, I get so frustrated when I see all of these commercials and news bites about celebrities who are able to take 40, 50 or even 60 lbs off just by doing THIS exercise or THAT eating plan. It is just not that simple! Life often gets in your way, especially if you have a demanding job, or if you are a parent, or both! Though I am beginning to accept that I am Jane, I really do want to change my shape- or tighten it to be exact. Just a bit so my clothes lay smoother and I have more energy to hang with my kids. I actually eat very well, not a lot of sugar or bread/pasta, no red meat etc… I am very active. (Any of you who have seen my concerts knows exactly how crazy active I am!) What I don’t get is sleep, and that seems to be the big kicker for me. At 39 my metabolism feels to be dead in the water, and without sleep I can’t reignite the pilot light so I can burn my shape into a tighter form.

So, I say to Marie Osmond and Valerie Betinelli, (two of my absolute idols when I was growing up), I am happy for you, really. But please, please, please stop making me feel as though there is a simple path to your bikini bodies, because there isn’t. I am so tired of feeling guilty that I can’t just #changemyshape lickity split. So tired of feeling less than when I look around me or at the TV. So tired of cringing when I see myself in pictures… I AM TIRED. And therein lies the problem.





23 Responses to “I am Jane…still…and that’s okay”
  1. missincognegro says:

    But, therein lies the question: Why does Marie Osmond’s or Valerie Bertinellis’s weight loss make feel guilty? Guilty about what? I see the commericals, say, “mad props”, and move on.

    Look, between waging the daily fight on racism, and trying to live my life as authentically as I can, I can’t spend my time experiencing guilt over Marie and Valerie. Besides, their need to lose weight, and quickly, is a career imperative, like it or not. I’m sure if there weren’t a monetary objective, they would most likely exist as they were before they lost weight.

  2. Nikki says:

    Personally I don’t know how Valerie Bertinelli gets out of bed on 1200 calories a day, much less exercises the way she describes in magazines like People.

    If you’re eating right and being active, I think you’re doing fine. Do you have trouble finding the time to sleep, or are you a restless sleeper? Maybe you can talk to your dr. if you have trouble getting to sleep/staying asleep. (To clarify I am NOT a dr. and would never try to diagnose anyone over the internet. I just think doctors and medicine are there for a reason.)

    Take care!

  3. MizFit says:

    LOL @ Nikki as Ive thought the same thing about VB.

    and there is no simple path huh? and I totally agree that everywhere we turn there seems to be another famous or thingsshesfamous star telling us theyve found the simple way.

    I was entirely where you are with the tireds and (uh oh. is this my version of the simple way?! 🙂 oops) what worked for me is the Zone.
    or my version of it.

    mini meals.
    higher protein higher good fat higher complex carbs.

    I was entirely where you are with the tireds and for me it took a lot of thinking about and analyzing and deciding what was making me GOODtired and what was making me tiredtired and—as much as I could—trying to limiting the amount of the latter.

    as a woman who treasures a picture she has with you—–I am saddened that you cringe.

    through my eyes.
    though many people’s eyes
    you are amazatastic.

    now lets get you energized and amazatastic as well.

    xo xo,


  4. Deeleigh says:

    If you’re eating right and being active, I think you’re doing fine.

    It sounds like she’s already eating low carb, Mizfit. Maybe she doesn’t have enough energy because she’s not sleeping enough – or not eating enough.

    Seriously, why not just officially change this to a diet blog? Most of the commentators seem to want to talk about their difficulties maintaining complete control over the size and appearance of their bodies. I agree that it’s a body image issue, but this is an expression of the problems we have in this society, not a discussion of the solutions.

    For example, I’d love to hear about what it’s like to be a women working in the public eye, Miss Lori. Is there a lot of pressure to be thin? What forms does it take? My brother and his fiance are actors. She’s a thin, gorgeous blond, but she seems to have made a decision not to pursue acting because of the pressure to be extremely skinny (she’s normal-thin, not hollywood-thin, in spite of being a vegan). Have you run into that in your career?

  5. Kimberly says:

    I”m a Jane too. I never want to be a Deb – stick girls are not attractive to me at all. I just want to be a better version of Jane (size 12 is my goal).

    And VB, MO (my idols too) have all sorts of help to allow them to focus on themselves. We are just normal folk trying to live and manage our own lives without any such assistance. I am never going to pressure myself to live up to what they achieve with it.

    • cggirl says:

      I can relate kimberly. Though to be honest, i AM a size 12 and i find myself thinking if i were less itd somehow be better. Though when I was 14 i thought if only i lost a little bit, ’cause i’d been a 12 before and that gain worried me. So yeah, of course when i lost a bit and was 12 again i started thinking ok what if i could lose even MORE. And the kind of thinking never helps me 🙂

      Not to say you shouldn’t strive for a size 12, you should do what feels right for you. I’m just making the observation that even when we are someone else’s “goal”, we have our own “goal” that’s smaller. And of cousre I know size 6-es that just want to be a 4. and everything in between. So logically i think there’s isn’t really a specific size that would make a person happy, but that it’s something else that underlies all this… (Maybe it’s different for you, I don’t mean to presume.)

    • Lurrz says:

      I think you mean you want to be a thinner version of Jane.

  6. clairemysko says:

    I definitely had some issues with “Drop Dead Diva” after watching the first episode. Here’s my post:

    I felt that the show relied on some tired stereotypes about fat vs. thin. I was also really concerned that the story centered around the idea of a thin woman woman “trapped” in a larger woman’s body, which is the whole B.S. fantasy set up by the diet industry, as Miss Lori pointed out.

    However, I have continued to watch the show and while they do seem to keep throwing in some questionable food references, I think they are moving Deb away from the idea that she needs to get back to her thin body and learn to accept, love, and respect the body she’s in. I hope that message gets even stronger as the series progresses.

  7. FatNSassy says:

    I don’t watch Drop Dead Diva because I resent the gov mandated switch to digital and refuse to buy a new t.v. But from what I heard on size acceptance sites, it still incorporates many stereotypes. Not all fat people overeat. As a genetically fat person who has been fat all her life, and an extremely picky child eater, I just can’t relate all that much. The only time I ever had a problem was during my “thin is be better” brainwash and extreme dieting stage in high school. Diets contribute to binging. Happily I majored in sociology in college and once I understood how irrational weight obsession is, I stopped dieting.

    As far as Bertonili and Osmond, they will gain their weight back. Look at how many other Jenny Craig spokespeople have. Not just Allie, but I remember from way back an actress called Susan Rutan, also Eliot Gould, Tommy LaSorda (he was slimfast, sorry Unilever – parent of Dove), and lets not forget Monica L. Rapid dieting changes our bodies to make them better at storing fat. This is a biological fact. In one study, they measured what normal rats ate, then put them on a diet. After the diet they gained TWENTY times more than the control rats on the SAME diet. Now these animals were locked in cages. For anyone who wants to get all sides of the story, and not just what the diet sponsored MSM tells us, get your hands on a copy of The Dieter’s Dilemma by Dr. William Bennet and Joel Gurin. It is a few decades old, but it does an excellent job in explaining how diets change our bodies and program them to want more fat. Dieting and the dieting industry has done just as much to contribute to obesity as junk food. Maybe we should be taxing Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig too!

  8. reedwar says:

    It is quite interesting what Jenny Craig has accomplished. Here lies a group of integent women who have allowed a commercial to guilt them into at least thinking about buying something. Am I the only one that sees a problem here?

    To change the tone just a little: has anyone heard about this trainer who intentionally gained 90 lbs to better understand what his clients are going through. Now that disserves real props. You can read about the story at

    • Deeleigh says:

      Props? Why? The guy’s not naturally fat. I’m sure his body could hardly wait to get rid of the extra weight, the same way a naturally fat person’s body will try to put it back on if it’s intentionally been lost. The points that’s been lost is that everyone’s body is not the same. This guy ate “nothing but fatty fried foods and sugary drinks” for months. I sure as hell don’t eat like that. Do any of the fat people here eat like that? I doubt it.

      • reedwar says:

        I believe that he needs props for trying to understand the point of view of someone that is overweight for their body type, instead of just saying get off your butt and do the work. To have the balls to put your health on the line is admirable, at least in my opinion.

  9. deeleigh says:

    To me it just sounds like a stunt based on flawed assumptions, similar to what the guy in “Fast Food Nation” did.

    • Nikki says:

      I actually really liked “Supersize Me” with Morgan Spurlock. He says upfront that he knows most people don’t eat like this 3x a day, but he’s just going to find out what happens.

      Also, they feature a man in the documentary who has eaten several Big Macs a day for the past decade or so. This man has a cholesterol test which comes out well under 200, and the man is obviously extremely slim. So they sort of show that different bodies are going to react to the same food in different ways.

      The best part, to me, was the special feature when Morgan let the fries sit in a glass jar for months and months. He put hamburgers and chicken sandwiches in jars, too, but they all eventually grew mold and had to be thrown away. Those fries are so full of chemicals, THEY NEVER GREW MOLD OR BEGAN TO DECOMPOSE. Imagine that sitting around in your digestive system. *shivers*

      Sorry, I know “Supersize Me” wasn’t the point of this thread, it’s just one of my favorite documentaries ever and I had to defend it. 🙂

      • Nikki says:

        Oh, I actually thought of one way Supersize Me DOES relate to this conversation, which is the assumption that if a naturally thin person puts on weight it will fall back off once they return to normal eating habits.

        After his 30 day experiment, Morgan gains 30 lbs, which takes him over 8 months to work off again. And he has to follow a vegan diet and work out to make that happen.

        Personally, I disagree with the idea that people are “naturally” thin or fat. My mom was “naturally” thin until she injured her knee, then she gained about 100 lbs. because she could no longer be active. I was “naturally” fat until I cut processed foods from my diet, now a lot of people assume I’m naturally average-sized. It’s basically all a bunch of assumptions..

      • greenbunny78 says:

        I would have to agree- the whole “naturally fat” argument is pretty thin. Once your cells turn to fat cells, they remember being fat cells, and like to store fat, so anyone who was EVERY overweight, “naturally” or not, is going to have to put in a little extra work so that your body doesn’t store extra fat. The only way to remove fat cells is through liposuction, which literally removes them from your body- but I am not advocating this, just pointing out that is the only way to get rid of them.
        Nikki- if you like the movie, read the book. Its called “don’t eat this book” and its pretty interesting.

      • Deeleigh says:

        It’s pretty obvious that’s the prevailing outlook on this blog, but I disagree. Most thin people don’t have to put in much effort to stay that way.

        Don’t get me wrong. I’m not someone who thinks it’s impossible to lose weight long-term. I was 30 pounds below my maximum weight for almost 10 years, but at the time, I was watching what I ate, walking 2 miles a day, and working out 3-5 hours a week. My “thin” weight was between 180 and 190 pounds (which, incidentally, is “obese” for me by BMI).

        When my left hip went bad because of a car accident I was in 20 years ago, I gained that 30 pounds back. Luckily, I’ve been involved in size acceptance for many years, so that wasn’t a big deal to me. Maybe all of you who are basing a large part of your self worth on maintaining weight loss should think about how you’d handle it if you developed a serious injury and put on weight again – because it may well happen.

  10. Deeleigh says:

    Oh – and I’d also like to comment that I don’t think that being a vegan and working out is particularly onerous. Believe it or not, there are fat vegans who work out.

  11. cggirl says:

    Hi MissLori,

    I can identify with thinking oh if I could lose a little bit so my clothes would fit smoother. but you know what? Turns out if you just get bigger clothes they fit fine! lol. No matter what you weigh, if you wear something tight it will look tight. (I remember when I wore new jeans and people thought I’d lost weight. Cause the new jeans were bigger hahaha.)

    Also, I prefer not thinking of myself as someone trapped in the body of someone else. I feel happier thinking I’m jane, not someone else trapped in jane’s body. But you’re entitled to feel however you feel of course! I’m just saying these feelings can change over time, and can improve regardless of the physical size/shape.

    I do wish you luck in getting enough sleep and generally feeling great about yourself 🙂 Sounds like you’re healthy and active and that’s wonderful!

    • Yup. If the goal is really to get clothes to fit smoother, than there are lots of ways to achieve that! Some people (including yours truly) tend to gain weight only in certain areas, which means that it can be harder to find clothes that fit well when you’re in your “fat” weight range.

      Solutions? Shop at a variety of stores, get things altered, or learn to alter your own clothing.

      For many people, all three of these possibilities would be just as effective as weight loss–but a lot more effective, and a lot more fun.

  12. talia says:

    What’s wrong with saying you “wrote” about something instead of going bloggity blog blogged blogger three times in the first paragraph? Seriously, how was I supposed to know it would be so much better after the jump?


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